One piece of toast is all that's allowed. The yellow omelet is imbued with colors from a variety of vegetables.
His wife Andrea prepares his breakfast and ensures that he sticks to the diet. In the mornings, Miller is often in good spirits. He stopped drinking in 2003 and has coped with his illnesses with the help of therapy and medication. It was a vicious cycle of depression and eating that eventually caused him to get back to 450 pounds. Eating offered some emotional solace, but it also took a toll on his body and his self worth. It was a defining moment.Įating and drinking numbed him for some time. This reality became clear while reading a situation report from one of his recognizance missions in the Balkans. Miller was never in a position to shoot anyone but the information that he provided often led to air attacks in heavily populated areas. Miller was once an athletic military man with a thin figure and an exceptional mind he worked in the intelligence unit during his years of service. Intellectually, Miller knows that no one is going to hurt him if he goes out with his family and participates in the holiday celebrations. He secludes himself in his room, the television chatting in the background to keep him from feeling alone. He doesn't want his children to see him that way. The idea that there's something wrong refuses to leave his mind and his adrenaline surges as if he were in a situation of life and death. "Something won't feel right." Then he gets a hazy sensation over his head and a heavy feeling on his chest. "It always starts in my head," Miller says. And there is seldom a time when everything is perfect around him and his body feels at ease. His brain is always scanning his body and his surroundings. "When I am somewhere, I'm never completely there," Miller explains. Miller could not bring himself to leave his room. His wife, Andrea, and their children had to celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve last year without him. The fear is so debilitating, however, that it keeps him from attending family holidays. But he must also live with the man who is overwhelmed by what he feels is "unjustified" fear. He would like to choose among the two parts of himself and say that he is only the kind and enthusiastic man who can move masses into doing something selfless. There's the guy that believes in himself and is willing to tell the world that he will thrive, and the man who is paralyzed by fear and panic attacks. While many around the world found out that Miller failed to maintain his ideal weight, few knew that he suffers from two debilitating conditions that combine to make his journey extra difficult: panic disorder and post-traumatic stress disorder. "Your story is not over," he added.Īnd it wasn't complete either. If he was willing to put in the work, Page told Miller, he would be there to help him out. He explained his desire to be more active at home and to be more present in the lives of his four children. Miller was nervous as he explained his goal of becoming healthy again.
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